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Raising children? Have to deal with someone else's? Considering a family?Let's talk kids!Claudia Quigg hosts this weekly reflection on best practices, experiences, and research related to child rearing and parenting. Thursdays at 12:50 PM and 7:50 PM

Let's Talk Kids - "Quality and Quantity"

Claudia Quigg headshot
mattpenning.com 2010
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WUIS/Illinois Issues

A recent study quantified the hours spent by moms and dads with their children aged 3-12 during the years 1965-2010.  In 1965, moms spent 10.5 hours each week engaged with their kids and dads spent 2.6 hours each week engaged with their kids.  In 2010, moms spent an average of 13.7 hours each week and dads spent 7.2 hours.  The study concluded that mothers spending more time with children is not necessarily linked to kids’ success.

To me, the big story here should be the dramatic increase in dads’ involvement.  But instead the news is the backlash from stay-at-home parents who feel threatened that their investment in their children is being undervalued.  And I can understand this response, as I see the very real sacrifices many parents make in order to put children first.

The problem with this study is that it paints all families with the same brush.  In truth, every family is different and the ways they engage their children are highly variable.

Some parents who work outside the home intentionally give their children their undivided attention, eliminating other responsibilities to be really available to their kids on evenings and weekends.  But some parents don’t manage this as well, feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by challenges beyond their resources.

Some stay-at-home parents love their unhurried time with their children.  But others feel stressed by children’s demands or worried about lost earnings. The study found that parent-child time is actually harmful to kids when parents are stressed, sleep-deprived, guilty or anxious.

Lots of studies have linked quality parent-child time with positive outcomes for kids.  In these encounters—sharing meals, reading books, having conversations—children are getting the message that their parents are fully engaged and enjoying their time together.

In the diverse ways families have of being together, the truth is that every structure can work to raise happy, successful children.  Many families with a stay-at-home parent fare beautifully, and many families whose parents work outside the home enjoy a wonderful childhood with their kids.

The secret to happy families is pretty simple:  These kids and parents really enjoy each other’s company.  They are fully engaged people who love each other dearly and want to spend time together, whenever they can.

Claudia Quigg is the Executive Director of Baby TALK and writes the Let's Talk Kids parenting segment and column that honor the expertise parents have about their own children and explores issues that are universal for families. From toilet training and sibling rivalry to establishing family values, Claudia Quigg provides thoughtful and accessible insights that are meaningful to families' needs.
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