I was astonished recently when a lovely, successful middle-aged man I know shared with me that during the years he was growing up he suffered some pretty harsh child abuse. I was moved by his story especially because I knew him during those years when this abuse was occurring regularly.
I might have been able to help. But I didn’t suspect a thing.
Moving through my own guilt about this, I looked into signs I might have missed. Sure enough, he exhibited some characteristics, but I never connected the dots.
Adults in any society must serve as guardians of children growing up in it. Here are some signs published by the Federal Children’s Bureau that a child might be a victim of abuse.
An abused child may show sudden changes in behavior or school performance.
An abused child may not receive help for physical or medical problems brought to the parents’ attention.
An abused child may have learning or concentration problems.
An abused child may seem always watchful, as though preparing for something bad to happen.
An abused child may bully other children or abuse animals.
An abused child may be overly compliant, passive, or withdrawn.
An abused child may come to school or other activities early, stay late, and not appear to want to go home.
An abused child may be reluctant to be around a particular person.
Finally, an abused child may disclose maltreatment. If a child actually speaks up, he’s hoping an adult will help.
The confusing thing is that often abused children seem great. These children may be model citizens bent on perfection, pleasing adults in such a way that no one wonders about trouble.
If you see signs of abuse in any child, talk to someone else who knows the child and compare notes. Convey to the child that you’re a safe person to confide in. And if you have a good relationship with the parents, ask them if everything is ok at home.
Child abuse is a horror, but it can be stopped and both children and adults can find resilience with the right help. The first step is usually supported by a loving adult with open eyes who simply cares enough to get involved.
