The shadows under their eyes told the story.
Recently I listened to new parents share lifestyle changes they’ve experienced since their baby girl was born. While their devotion to their daughter is obvious, their exhaustion was equally apparent. The increased accountability of parenting duty involves feeding, changing, rocking to sleep, leaping out of bed at night to attend to frantic cries, loads of laundry, and more.
Watching the three of them, it was clear that their experience mirrored hers. She is also working hard to make the adjustment to her new life with them.
This little one held her head still, watching them as they talked. When the father spoke, she gazed at him intently, and when the mother spoke, she moved her gaze to her mom. She obviously knows their voices well already and tunes into them whenever possible.
Over the course of our visit, this intense focus exhausted her and she began to fuss. She worked to get her hand to her mouth, having learned already that if she could manage this feat she would feel comforted.
And while she was terribly interested in the conversation around her, she worked to get herself to sleep, accepting the demands of her body for rest.
Newborns’ goals are to attach to their parents and learn to regulate themselves, two achievements that stand them in good stead for health and happiness. Secure attachment to loving caregivers is the basis for emotional health and all other development. Self-regulation—the capacity to manage ourselves, acting as masters of our own ship—is necessary for success in school and in life. (Ask any kindergarten teacher about how important self-regulation is for school readiness.)
Understanding those goals, we see that this little person’s efforts are already beginning to pay off. She shows signs of growing attachment as she attunes to her parents as well as signs of learning self-regulation as she sucks her fingers and gets herself to sleep.
Next time you meet a family with a new baby, give those parents your encouragement for the hard work at hand. But while you’re at it, you might want to turn your sophisticated observation to the baby, and marvel at the effort you see there as well.