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Raising children? Have to deal with someone else's? Considering a family?Let's talk kids!Claudia Quigg hosts this weekly reflection on best practices, experiences, and research related to child rearing and parenting. Thursdays at 12:50 PM and 7:50 PM

Let's Talk Kids - "Kids And Housework"

Claudia Quigg headshot
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NPR Illinois | 91.9 UIS

A mother returned home to her 4-year-old daughter and 7-year-old son following a serious surgery.  As her husband helped her into the house, she moved slowly, obviously in pain.  Her children hugged her tenderly, so relieved to have their momma home.

Quickly, her son cleared off the sofa and made a space for her to sit.  The daughter pulled up an ottoman for her to elevate her feet.  

Within the next hour, dinner preparations were underway.  Without being asked, they set the table and helped their dad assemble a simple meal.  After supper, they cleared the table, took out the trash, and generally helped clean the kitchen.

These two children made very real contributions to their family’s functioning that evening, and it was clear they were proud of the role they played, experiencing a sense of their own agency and effectiveness.  They were empowered to use the emotional tension they felt to contribute to their families, and it had to be a satisfying experience for them.

I recently read a list of “age appropriate chores” listing simple household tasks which young children are capable of doing.  Here are some highlights:  Two-year-olds can make their beds, feed pets, and dust with socks on their hands.  Four-year-olds can set the table, load the dishwasher, and put away laundry.  Six-year-olds can empty the dishwasher, clean bathroom sinks and help pack school lunches.  Nine-year-olds can clean toilets, vacuum, and prepare food.  Twelve-year-olds can babysit siblings, mop floors, and cook simple meals.

Very few parents I know actually expect these tasks from their children.  We tend to want our children to always be having “fun,” leaving the tedious tasks of running a home to the grownups.  The problem with this thinking is that it infantilizes children, creating dependence and helplessness in them rather than pride in their contributions.

But watching those two kids, I realized that helping their families in a practical way empowers children.  It prepares them for far more than learning how to run their households in the future.  It makes them feel competent and essential to their families now.  They see that their investment has an impact on their family’s success, creating self-esteem in a way that empty praise never can.
 

Claudia Quigg is the Executive Director of Baby TALK and writes the Let's Talk Kids parenting segment and column that honor the expertise parents have about their own children and explores issues that are universal for families. From toilet training and sibling rivalry to establishing family values, Claudia Quigg provides thoughtful and accessible insights that are meaningful to families' needs.
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