A charming fellow I know was referred for special services as his development had fallen off track. Damien was losing pace with his peers and his teachers were worried that something was wrong.
I’m glad when grownups notice that a child’s development lags behind. Sometimes, there may be a serious problem which—if identified early—has the best chance for remediation.
But other times, there’s a benign cause related to his external life circumstances. In Damien’s case, I wondered about this possibility.
Damien’s loving parents work hard to support him and his two siblings. Both have full-time low-paying jobs, so they supplement with additional part-time jobs. They masterfully juggle difficult work schedules, but there’s a cost to the family’s quality of life.
Damien’s schedule would overwhelm any three-year old. His parents wake him at 5:30 for breakfast before taking him to his grandmother’s house. At 8:00, Grandma gets him out the door to his bus stop where the bus collects Damien and takes him to preschool.
Following his morning class, another bus drives him to child care. He struggles to stay awake for lunch, and then falls deeply asleep to nap. He later awakens to be reminded where he is, reorienting himself to this teacher and group of children.
At 5 pm, Dad picks him up to go home. Supper preparations are underway and the meal is hastily consumed, as Damien’s older siblings need help with homework.
Shortly after supper, Damien is put to bed exhausted by parents who mirror his fatigue. And the next morning, the schedule begins all over again.
One thing we know about children is this: each time they experience transition, they invest emotional energy to make the adjustment. They spend the first few minutes in any environment in a state of hypervigilance, wondering if they’re safe, watching for threat or concern. During this time, they’re not available to learn new skills as they spend their energy being sure they’re safe.
Damien’s parents were relieved to learn that providing more consistency of care with fewer transitions could make such a difference for their little guy. When Mom gave up her second job, they were able to simplify Damien’s schedule considerably. In his changed circumstances, Damien is playing a great game of catch-up.
