Each year as the fireworks explode on the Fourth of July, I chuckle to recognize the explosive nature of our quest for independence. Just as those fireworks remind us of our infant nation’s birth of freedom from Mother England, children’s paths to independence are also marked with noisy blasts.
Throughout their lives, children work to wean themselves away from dependence on us. The process is often messy and uncomfortable for them and for us, but the impetus that drives them begs obedience.
Starting in toddlerhood, children are determined to stand, walk and run unaided. Toddlers want to feed themselves, a messy affair if there ever was one. They insist on choosing their own clothes and putting them on without help, resulting in get-ups that swing from vogue to vaudeville.
Their bids for independence are expressed through tantrums as they flail with frustration at not being able to control themselves or their situations as they would like. Most homes with toddlers see fireworks on a regular basis.
Toddlers become preschoolers, and eventually head to school. They soon realize their parents are nothing if not an embarrassment. They’d rather not acknowledge our presence in public and eventually ask us to drop them a block from school.
Teenagers convey their desire for independence through eye-rolls designed to let us know of their superior knowledge about the world. They chafe to drive and acquire transportation as they’re propelled away from us, eventually breaking free for college or career, attaining the independence they wanted all along.
Adults enjoy independence but find themselves bound to jobs, mortgages, and family responsibilities—commitments they eagerly choose but sometimes experience as burdens.
And then in old age, we see independence slip away, needing others to once again care for us.
Independence is a holy grail to be desired and sought at every age. That our whole nation was born out of such a desire continues to resonate with twenty-first century Americans.
Today’s parents may find raising their children as tumultuous and spectacular as a fireworks display. But in the end, children who are given freedom to make decisions will blossom into independent adults who stand on their own two feet.
And they’ll need that strong footing when they begin parenting the next generation of bottle rockets. Boy, will they ever need it.
