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Raising children? Have to deal with someone else's? Considering a family?Let's talk kids!Claudia Quigg hosts this weekly reflection on best practices, experiences, and research related to child rearing and parenting. Thursdays at 12:50 PM and 7:50 PM

Let's Talk Kids - "To Bear Witness"

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NPR Illinois | 91.9 UIS

It occurs to me that one of the dearest benefits of living in a family is something so simple it’s easy to overlook: our families bear witness to our lives.

Family members are present to observe our lives up close and personal. 

Siblings see each other with greater knowledge than classmates do.  Classmates may suspect we’re sad when we didn’t make the team, but our siblings hear us crying into our pillow. While our coworkers may congratulate us on a promotion, our spouses see our real joy when we find success.

And parents bear witness to their children in a way no one else in the world ever will.

As our families bear witness to our lives, they attach value to them.  When disaster befalls us or good fortune comes our way, our families note the meaning and importance of each experience.  Our families understand the things that happen in our lives really matter, affirming for us the significance of our very existence.  Our families look for a deeper meaning in our days, noticing when we display kindness to a neighbor and assigning it as evidence of our character, or seeing us work tenaciously toward a goal and recognizing our determination.

When parents bear witness to their children’s days, we view them within the context of all the other days we’ve shared together.  When a five year-old cries on the first morning of kindergarten, her parents remember other occasions when she was slow to warm up, and understand this behavior.  When a 12 year-old runs a high temperature, his mom recalls similar crises when he was five and eight, and marks the pattern.  This long-remembered consideration of our children gives us an understanding the rest of the world could never comprehend.

Bearing witness leads to the creation of a complex story parents carry in their hearts describing each of their children.  It includes the smallest details of their lives together, because parents paid attention and noticed them all, filing them away for future consideration.  Those stories ground us in our emerging identities, providing a springboard for our lives as they continue to evolve.

This bearing witness in families looks passive and may be unnoticeable.  In fact, it may be the family’s most defining work on behalf of our kids.

Claudia Quigg is the Executive Director of Baby TALK and writes the Let's Talk Kids parenting segment and column that honor the expertise parents have about their own children and explores issues that are universal for families. From toilet training and sibling rivalry to establishing family values, Claudia Quigg provides thoughtful and accessible insights that are meaningful to families' needs.
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