PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Right now it's time for the WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our games on the air. Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
MARK MELLINGER: Hello. It's Mark Mellinger.
SAGAL: Hey, Mark Mellinger. How are you?
MELLINGER: I'm doing pretty good.
SAGAL: New York, N.Y.?
MELLINGER: New York, N.Y.
SAGAL: What do you do there?
SAGAL: I'm a psychoanalyst.
SAGAL: Oh.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: You're in the mother lode in New York City.
MELLINGER: (Laughter) Yeah.
SAGAL: But it must be a great feeling - like, half the cartoons in The New Yorker are about you.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Mark. You're going to play the game in which you must tell truth from fiction - which I guess, as a psychoanalyst, you'll be good at. Bill, what is Mark's topic?
BILL KURTIS: Pinch those pennies.
SAGAL: Everybody knows at least one cheap bastard - someone who likes to save money and doesn't know who their father really is.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: This week, we read about somebody's miserly ways paying off in a surprising way. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win our prize - any voice from our show you may choose on your voicemail. You ready to play?
MELLINGER: Ready.
SAGAL: All right. First, let's hear from Roxanne Roberts.
ROXANNE ROBERTS: Jason Heg (ph) now admits he waited until the last minute to create his senior art project for the Pratt Institute's annual fine arts competition. On the night before the deadline, in a panic, he raided his mom's kitchen stash of used plastic storage bags, which she rewashed and reused until they literally fell apart. He thumbtacked the bags on a gray and black background and called it "Whistler's Cheapass Mother" (ph).
(LAUGHTER)
ROBERTS: Heg said he was just hoping for a passing grade, but the judges were crazy about the piece, citing, quote, "the nuanced textures, the transparency but emptiness and the sly social commentary on the banality of domestic life."
(LAUGHTER)
ROBERTS: Heg won the contest, which comes with a $50,000 prize, and told The New York Times last week that his stay-at-home mother, who raised six kids, has always looked for ways to stretch a dime. The artist says he gave his mother an entire case of new Ziplocs as a thank you gift. And, quote, they'll probably last the rest of her life.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: A bunch of used Ziplocs becomes an award-winning art installation called "Whistler's Cheapass Mother." Your next story of someone succeeding by saving comes from Roy Blount Jr.
ROY BLOUNT JR: This is a dramatic monologue based on a true story that happened recently in New Jersey. The husband speaks. You get the orange juice, my wife says. I say, yep. Well, what did you pay? Five dollars? She knows another place it costs 2.50. Take it back, she says. A penny saved, she says. I take it back. Cashier looks at me, like, you cheap...
(LAUGHTER)
BLOUNT JR: I get the five bucks back. But orange juice has lost its appeal. What looks good is the Powerball number. I buy two tickets. Where's the orange juice, the wife says. I let the orange juice ride, I say. Do I ever hear it then. Next day, they've had the the drawing. First ticket - no good. Second ticket says, see cashier. Cashier looks at me like, now what? Then she checks the ticket. Oh, my God. I call my wife. I ran the orange juice, I tell her, into $315 million.
(LAUGHTER)
BLOUNT JR: See, she says. I told you - a penny saved.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: A guy in New Jersey sent to return orange juice that was too expensive buys a Powerball ticket, becomes very rich. Your last story of a cheapskate coming through is from Hari Kondabolu.
HARI KONDABOLU: Chip Stevenson (ph) of Brunswick, Maine, loves to save money - so much so that his best friends have now called him Cheap Stevenson. His successful carpet cleaning business often has him traveling throughout America, and in addition to taking the cheapest flights, he stays at the cheapest hotels possible. Quote, "If there are 48 hotels in a city, I'm staying at the one ranked 48 on TripAdvisor," Chip says.
(LAUGHTER)
KONDABOLU: He is very proud of his thriftiness. He later joked, the places I stay at don't leave the light on for you...
(LAUGHTER)
KONDABOLU: ...Because they can't afford to.
(LAUGHTER)
KONDABOLU: This apparently is his favorite joke.
(LAUGHTER)
KONDABOLU: Even after he got a mysterious skin infection from a by-the-hour motel in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho...
(LAUGHTER)
KONDABOLU: ...Chip refused to upgrade. He now simply puts on Saran wrap all over the beds...
(LAUGHTER)
KONDABOLU: ...Chairs, toilet and bathtub. He even wraps his whole body in it before bed.
(LAUGHTER)
KONDABOLU: He claims this has also led to additional savings in laundry costs.
(LAUGHTER)
KONDABOLU: However, his savings scheme ended abruptly one night in Tulsa, Okla., when the ceiling of his $18-a-night airport hotel collapsed while he was in bed, causing injuries to his ribs, arms and legs. Fortunately, he had no cuts and scrapes because of the saran wrap.
(LAUGHTER)
KONDABOLU: As a result of a poor building inspection, the city of Tulsa is now paying Chip $5.7 million. Chip says he regrets nothing. Quote, "If this hadn't happened, I'd still be working. I get to retire at 47. Not many people can say that." He then attempted to give a thumbs-up, but he was unable to.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Here are your three stories of somebody being cheap and benefiting from it. First, from Roxanne Roberts, an artist who just reused his mother's reused Ziploc bags wins a big prize. From Roy Blount Jr., a guy sent back to the grocery store to return orange juice because it wasn't on sale buys a Powerball, strikes it rich. Or, from Hari Kondabolu, the story of Cheap Stevenson, whose habit of staying in the cheapest hotels paid off when one fell on him.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Which of these is a real story of someone being pennywise and making bank?
MELLINGER: Ooh, that's a tough one.
SAGAL: It is.
MELLINGER: Well, I'm going to eliminate Hari's story because, obviously, there couldn't be a place called Coeur d'Alene, Idaho.
SAGAL: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I don't know what you were thinking, Hari.
KONDABOLU: Yeah, you're really from New York, sir.
(LAUGHTER)
MELLINGER: That just leaves the lucky orange juice trader from New Jersey.
SAGAL: Ah, well, you've chosen with a psychoanalyst's precision. You have burrowed into the truth, or so you say. Roy's story, which is of the guy who returned the orange juice and bought a Powerball ticket - well, we actually spoke to the person in question.
TAYEB SOUAMI: My wife - she said it's too expensive. I went to return the product. It was orange juice. I love orange juice now.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: That was the guy...
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: ...The man himself who had returned his orange juice to get some money back, invested the money in the manner of buying magic beans...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: ...In lottery tickets and, in fact, won big. Congratulations. You figured it out. Roy was...
MELLINGER: Wow.
SAGAL: ...Telling the truth.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: You've earned a point for him, but mainly, you've won our prize - which isn't $315 million, but it is the voice of anyone on this show. Congratulations.
MELLINGER: Thanks so much.
SAGAL: Thank you.
MELLINGER: That was great.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "CHEAP THRILLS")
FRANK ZAPPA: (Singing) Cheap thrills in the back of my car - cheap thrills, how fine they are. Cheap thrills up and down my... Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.